Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Lovey Stuff

"Only God could love you more". -Jared

This is what he just said to me as he left to go back to work.

I sure love that guy.
Life is so much better right now considering the past year and a half I've had. Yes, there's still struggles, stresses, and feelings of insecurity, but it's getting better. Instead of feeling like I'm still swimming in this black hole, struggling to keep my head afloat, I feel like I'm climbing out of the dark cave I've been hallowed up in for the past year. Each day brings me a step further into the light.

I love it.

Does that mean I only have good days now? Absolutely not! I still have anxiety and panic attacks. I still have moments when I just need to cry for a minute. But then I'm ok and can go on. The crying is more of a cleanse now. I'm learning just how to express those emotions and then leave them at the doorstep, so to speak. Life has been so extremely hard the past year and a half. I have had many huge issues to deal with. From stresses of going back to school and dealing with math while trying to be mom, to Cody and his two surgeries within six weeks-one being a surprise and hard for him to recover. Then dad going downhill extremely fast and passing away from cancer after only testing him for it for two and a half weeks, to some major family struggles and feeling like I had to hold everyone together. Plus, two very difficult and very personal struggles over the past 16 months. It's taken a hard tole on me, but I'm determined to come back.

I actually decorated my house last week. You might think, "So what?". But to me, this was huge. I haven't decorated my house, minus Christmas, for a year and a half. And when I say I put up Christmas, it wasn't everything like I usually do. In fact, I hadn't even finished hanging up pictures and such since we remodeled the living room last year. Yup, that was also in my lovely crazy year... A remodel. But I actually loved that part minus the stress of trying to do that on top of school and then the deadline of having it done before Cody had his tonsils out so he could relax with the tv in there. Last week as I got out my decorations for the 4th of July, I realized something. I felt happy. I was enjoying something again that I've always loved to do. I knew that was a huge milestone for me and for a minute, I reflected at just how far I've come. And now I have a decorated house to remind me of that.

I found this quote that my dad's cousin posted on Facebook and immedialtely fell in love with it. I shared it on mine, hoping that the two members of my family who are really struggling right now would see it. I don't know if I'll ever know if they did, but I tried. This quote is so fitting for anyone who is going through this journey we call life. Everyone has struggles. It's up to us to rely on the Lord to take the struggles from us so we can have joy. I'm so thankful for the gospel and how much it can bless our lives if we will just let it. I'm so thankful for our Savior and everything he has done for each and everyone of us.

"We are commanded to be joyful because He has borne our sorrows. He was a man of sorrows and aquainted with grief so that we need not be. Our own sins and limitations are the things that make us sad. He had no sins and limitations; he was not sad for his sake, but wholly for ours. Only one could suffer for others who did not deserve to suffer for himself.
"If we remain gloomy after what He did for us, it is because we do not accept what he did for us. If we suffer, we deserve to suffer because there is no need for it if we only believe in Him."
-Hugh Nibley

Saturday, March 7, 2015

You know you have a good kid when you go to get on the computer and you find that T.J. has  switched his screen saver picture from a picture of Monster Jam to a picture of Jesus Christ. T.J. has to teach Deacons quorum tomorrow for the first time. He's been working on his lesson tonight and must have found this picture of Christ, because it's the first time I've seen it as his screen saver. T.J. is such a good kid. He got his first phone for Christmas this past year. The first Sunday as we were sitting in Sacrament meeting, I happen to look over at his phone as he turned it on real quick, and saw that the screen saver for his phone was a picture of the Salt Lake Temple. I was so proud. Even though there are times when he acts like a teenage boy, I know I don't have to worry about him when I see things like this. He's a good example to us. I sure love that kid.

This was T.J. studying last night. He stayed up until 10:00 working on his lesson, which was late considering he didn't go to bed the night before until 3:00 a.m.. He'd gone with Jared to play roller hockey and they can only rent out the place to do that from 12-2 a.m..

(*Written on Sunday, the next day... T.J. said he felt his lesson went pretty good. He said it wasn't long enough, but dad helped fill in time and they lead a discussion. The most important thing is that he prepared for this and studied. He tried his best and that's what we ask. Jared said he did a really good job. Jared is one of his Deacon Quorum leaders. I love my boys. I'm so blessed to have them be apart of our family.)

Thursday, October 30, 2014

The Sweetest Thing

My parents loved the World Series. They'd each pick a team they'd root for and then watch every game. Who ever picked the loosing team had to pay for the others dinner. (Which I think is super cute anyways considering most of the time my mom didn't work, which meant technicially my dad always paid. But it was a fun bet they always did.)

I remember years of watching these games through dinner, or walking into the living room and seeing my parents both there watching the games. At times my dad would be to work, but mom would watch and fill him in on the highlights. I remember thinking how cool that was that my parents loved baseball so much, they'd make a game out of it. It was fun to see how excited they'd get when their teams would win. It was also fun when we'd have a babysitter come watch us so the looser could pay the winner with dinner.

A couple weeks ago Jared, out of the blue, asked if it was going to be hard for my mom. I had no idea what he was talking about. He said, "The World Series starts this week." I can't believe I'd forgotten that?! Instantly my heart melted. I was shocked that Jared remembered their bet. I didn't think he even knew when the world series was. We never watch baseball. Jared thinks it's boring, so we've never gotten into it.

That next night I walked into the living room to find Jared sitting in his green chair with the t.v. on. I found him watching The World Series! I asked him what he was doing and he said he was going to watch it and try it out, cause my dad liked it so much; then he could talk to my mom about it. Again, heart melting! I could hear at diferent times when the boys would walk in and ask what Jared was doing. He'd tell them what it was and say, "Grandpa used to watch this."

Over the next couple of weeks, I'd find Jared watching each of the seven games, and soon the boys were joining him. He even watched it with Jim up at my parents house after Sunday dinner this past week. We wanted the Giants to win, and sure enough, last night they did.

That has to be one of the sweetest things I've seen Jared do, especially considering he's always hated watching baseball. But you know what? After about the second or third game, he was upset he had to turn it off to leave for something. He told me it was actually getting pretty intense. It made me smile inside. We might just have a new baseball watching fan on our hands around here. I'm sure my dad was smiling through this.

I love that guy.

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Duke died tonight. Jared ran him over. T.J. told me earlier that he broke his chain. Later I found out it could have been fixed pretty easily, but T.J. didn't do that. This is a hard way of learning a lesson for T.J.. And I didn't handle it too nicely. Especially after I noticed he was loose. And then to hear it could have been fixed. Duke liked to chase after us as we'd leave. He would chase our bikes even. Especially T.J. as he'd leave for work. He'd even howl as he'd ride away. Dang it.

Dang it!!!!!!!!


When will things turn around?! I feel awful because Blakeley absolutely loved that puppy and would always say, "Go boys house? See Duke?" It breaks my heart that we have to tell her now that Duke is in heaven with Grandpa.

What a freakin' summer.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Advices from An Old Farmer

Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.

Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.

Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.

A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.

Words that soak into your ears are whispered… not yelled.

Meanness don’t jes’ happen overnight.

Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.

Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.

It don’t take a very big person to carry a grudge.

You cannot unsay a cruel word.

Every path has a few puddles.

When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.

The best sermons are lived, not preached.

Most of the stuff people worry about ain’t never gonna happen anyway.

Don’t judge folks by their relatives.

Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

Live a good, honorable life… Then when you get older and think back, you’ll enjoy it a second time.

Don ‘t interfere with somethin’ that ain’t bothering you none.

Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a Rain dance.

If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin’.

Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.

The biggest troublemaker you’ll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin’.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.

Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin’ it back in.

If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around..

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

Don’t pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he’ll just kill you.

Most times, it just gets down to common sense.

Thursday, August 29, 2013

It's official. T.J. got my knees.

You know... the Kenison knees that hurt all the time.

Seriously. It sucks.

The knees that have the knee caps pulling to the outsides of the knee cap that rub wrong with every step you take. And running, don't get me started on that one. Running has never been an option for me. And now it won't be with T.J. either. It hurts too much.

So we took T.J. into an Orthopedic Specialist today. He's had knee pain since April when he was running a mile everyday at school for the fit kid's program the President of the U.S. started. And everyday he'd limp home from school. Finally, when it came time to test at the end of the year on how fast he could run it, he came to me almost in tears and said he just can't do it. We talked to his teacher and pulled him from the program. Unfortunately he didn't get a higher certificate of completion because of it. But his pain level went way down.

Then football started. And you know how that goes. Between 2 hours of practice a day and conditioning at the end, his pain is back. So much so that he is limping all the time now. His left knee is worse then his right.

So we went to the doc today. They did x-rays and it confirmed what I thought it was. His IT bands on the outer part of his thighs are too tight. Thus pulling his knee-caps over to the outsides of his knees. Which results in rubbing of the patella in the wrong spot. Instead of the bones following the track that is outlined in the knee, he's rubbing one side more then the other way too much. He also had him lie down on the table and checked his hips, making sure his growth plate wasn't out, which requires surgery to put big pins in the hip sockets connecting to the femur. So glad it isn't that! Doc said T.J. is actually really flexible. Again, something he got from me. I've been told by 3 different orthopedists that I'm too flexible. Which could be bad as well. My knees go way back when I straighten them. Too much, in fact and can be dangerous.

So here's what we're looking at:
1. Physical Therapy. Working to strengthen his butt muscles more and the inner muscles of his thighs. This will help to strengthen the muscles there to help pull his knee-caps over in the right spot. Fortunately, with Dad being a Certified Personal Trainer, we don't have to go into the hospital for PT. His doctor emailed me everything he wants T.J. to work on so Jared knows what to do. Yes!

Plus staying active helps a lot as well. It keeps those muscles strengthened to counteract the IT band.

2. Roll on a roller to loosen the IT bands. Let me tell ya, this hurts someone with this problem! We just got one of those rollers about a month ago. And that's the one area I hate working the most. Yes, doing it often will help lesson the pain, but it still kills!

3. When doing football, or running at school, when that pain starts, take a break. T.J. was happy to hear this with football. He might get out of conditioning.

4. Last, surgery. If T.J. really works on this and it isn't doing much, they will go in and actually cut the IT bands that connect the IT to the patella. T.J. is pretty young for this to be a problem already for him. I didn't find out this news until I was about 18. T.J. does not want surgery, so hopefully this helps him to do all these exercises. I don't want him to have surgery either.

So here we are. One kid so far who got my knees. I think Cody is ok, but it looks to me like Hunter might have them as well. But hey, things could be worse.