Sunday, November 29, 2015

After we have family prayer at night, someone reads a scripture. Tonight Jared read us two scriptures, Mosiah 23: 21-22

21. "Nevertheless the Lord teeth fit to chasten his people; yea, he trite their patience and their faith."

22. "Nevertheless-whosoever putteth his trust in him the same shall be lifted up at the last day. Yea, and thus it was with this people."

And then he read this quote to us that he had inside his scriptures:

"Patience is not indifference. Actually, it is caring very much, but being willing, nevertheless, to submit both to the Lord and to what the scriptures call the 'process of time'.

"Patience is tied very closely to faith in our Heavenly Father. Actually, when we are unduly impatient, we are suggesting that we know what is best - better than does God. Or, at least, we are asserting that our timetable is better than his. Either way we are questioning the reality of God's omniscience, as is as some seem to believe, God were on some sort of postdoctoral fellowship...

"We read in Mosiah about how the Lord simultaneously tries the patience of his people even as he tries their faith (Mosiah 23:21). One is not only to endure - but to endure well and gracefully those things which the Lord 'seeth fit to inflict upon us' (Mosiah 3:19),...

"The Lord has said twice: 'And seek the face of the Lord always, that in patience ye may possess your souls, and ye shall have eternal life' (D&C 101:38). Could it be that only when our self-control has become total do we come into true possession of our own souls?"

-Neal A. Maxwell

I absolutely loved this quote and the scriptures he read tonight. It hit me in so many ways. With all Jared is going through right now and patience being something he is supposed to learn from this trial (he's had a few priesthood blessings that has mentioned this.), it gave me a different perspective about patience and what it really is. And, with so many wondering how I can have so much patience and not freak out that we still don't know what type of cancer he has and how long his recovery process has been, I connected with this quote in a much different way. I've been blessed with faith and peace. My patriarchal blessing has told me this. I believe this is why I've been able to take one day at a time and have peace in my heart, because I have and always try to exercise faith. Does this mean I don't struggle? No. I still break down at times and cry, but I go on afterwards and continue to have faith in the outcome of someday. I feel so blessed to have this gift in my life. Faith is absolutely amazing if we can allow ourselves to really use it the way we are instructed to.

Friday, November 27, 2015

Quotes From Hunter

Hunter was talking to Cody and T.J. in the car as we drove to Army Navy Store. Here's some classic quotes from him:

It's the day after thanksgiving and we are out doing our Christmas shopping. We had just picked up Hunter from McDonald's with grandma and Heather to come shopping with us, and grabbed us something to eat as well. As we were driving and talking about McDonald's food, Hunter piped up saying...
"McDonald's has never been gross for me." Ha ha!

And then, during the same car ride and out of the blue, this came out of him....

Hunter: "Have you noticed when your a grandpa, your brothers don't hang out with you anymore? Isn't that weird?"
(He then compared that to Grandpa Kenison and how he didn't see his brothers very much.)

This kid. He cracks us up. You never know what he'll come up with next. It's so fun to see how he views things.

Through the eyes of a child...

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

The Pimple

Hunter: "Mom, I have this weird bump under my nose."
Me: "Let me see.
Me: "Oh, it's just a pimple/black head thing. Here, just do this to get rid of it."
Hunter: "No, don't touch it. I want to keep my bump."

Oh buddy, someday you'll wish they'd just go away.

My baby has his first pimple.

I'm feeling old.

Friday, November 20, 2015

Dinner For One

I didn't go to pizza night with Jared and the boys. I was only home from work about ten minutes when it hit me that I wasn't feeling good; instant chills and body aches. I knew I was getting sick.

I hate getting sick. Hopefully it's a quick one.

So I drank some V8 juice, took a little nap, and still went walking with Jared because exercise is good for you, so it better help me get better quicker.

I decided to go to Cafe' Rio and get take out. I have been craving this place so badly. With hearing what is in store with our future here in the next week or two, I decided I needed this tonight. Forget not feeling good, I'm going out. To say I love this place is an understatement. It's freakin' delicious!! But with Jared being down and all he's been through, this isn't a place we can eat at together right now. We used to go there a lot. He loves their quesadillas and would get a burrito with double meat to go with it. I love their sweet pork salads and would get a nino' quesadilla on the side and then eat that in the car on the way home. It's so yummy! But until Jared can eat that again, I've had a hard time going there and eating it knowing he was home having one of the same meals he has over and over. He is doing better at handling more foods, but spicy, fattening foods are hard on him. He can't have raw veggies yet or salad, and he can't handle a ton of meat yet, not to mention the beans in one of those burritos. He'll get there, but he's got probably another month or two before that.

So while they went to the inlaws for the normal Friday night pizza night, I went to Cafe' Rio. Knowing Jared was having fun helped me get over some of the guilt.

I hate going places by myself sometimes. Tonight was one. There were couples everywhere, which reminded me I was alone. And waiting in line by yourself is boring. Usually that's when Jared and I just talk. Thank goodness the line wasn't quite as long tonight. I got my traditional salad and nino', paid, and walked out to the car, again realizing I was alone because I was a bit nervous to walk to the car with where I parked.

Once home and after changing into my Monster's Inc. pajama pants, I curled up in bed under blankets because I still have the chills, and ate my yummy salad and nino' while watching my favorite show on Friday nights - Diner's, Drive-ins and Dives. Having Guy Fieri with me helped make dinner not so lonely. :) The quesadilla wasn't good tonight, so that will help me not feel so bad to tell Jared where I went. It was cold and not much cheese at all. But the salad was delicious!

Life is crazy right now. The last two months have seemed like 6 months with how much has happened, yet such a blur. And now Jared is facing another surgery to try and get a better sample to biopsy so we can figure out what kind of cancer this is. I honestly have been able to take life a day at a time, which is unusual for me. I normally like to know what is going to happen and know what the road entails. But this time is different, and I feel it's a direct blessing from all the prayers people are offering on our behalf. I have been able to take life and this whole thing a day at a time; sometimes an hour at a time. It's been a true miracle.

Maybe it's because of the holidays and having kids, but this surgery has me wondering what the schedule is going to be like though, over the next month and a half. We meet with the surgeon next Tuesday to find out when his surgery will be and how invasive. And you know what I'm thinking? How hard of a surgery is this one going to be on Jared? How much will he need my help this time? How can I help him feel the peace I feel?  How am I going to handle pulling off the holidays, the christmas shopping, the decorating and preparations the holidays bring? How am I going to pull off a "normal" christmas for my kids so it doesn't hit them so hard just how much our lives really have changed? Their dad has cancer. My husband has cancer. We know this changes our lives completely, but I worry how much the kids will be able to handle it when they fully realize their dad has the stupid "C" word. And I don't want them to realize this during the holidays and always have that memory haunt them during this time of the year.

I know I'm getting ahead of myself, but this time of the year is hard to deal with this type of thing, let alone try to keep life as normal as possible and give our kids a christmas that isn't tainted with cancer and surgeries. I will be happy when Tuesday morning rolls around to hear when this surgery will happen and just how invasive this will be. Are they thinking laparoscopic or do they need to go in using the incision he already has? How much will this set him back recovery wise, and how much work will I be taking off again? Then financially, how long now until he is able to start working again. He was going to try Monday driving the truck around, running errands and such to see how his resistance is, and then possibly start working the week after thanksgiving.

There's lots to think about, and today while at work, it hit me. I have explained it so many times today what is going on with Jared, that it started sinking in more how we are doing this through the holidays. Talking to people about this wears on me. I love being positive and feel so blessed with how Jared has been able to recover so much, that I feel guilty if I don't speak positive about it. I know this is a blessing from Heavenly Father. We almost lost Jared twice, why shouldn't I be positive when talking about his recovery?! But people think I should be crying when I talk about it, and the way they talk to me and become negative and act like there is no hope, is a hard thing to hear over and over. One lady at work told me how her uncle died after a surgery on his intestines.

 Um, this probably isn't the time to tell me this.

But I guess he was an onry old man and the nurses would't want to take care of him because of it, so they left him alone. His infection killed him. But seriously people, let's be a little more positive and optimistic. If you see that I can talk about it and stay positive, please don't try and turn that and take that peace I have away from me. Life is too short to be gloomy and down. Let's enjoy the blessings we have in life and be thankful for them.